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Richard Evans-Lacey
- UKCP registered Neuro-Linguistic Psychotherapist
- Postgraduate Diploma in Neuro-Linguistic Psychotherapy
(NLPt)
- Double Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic
Programming - Classical and Emergent NLP
- Hypnosis (Hypnotherapy) trained to Master level
- Time Line Therapy trained to Master level
- Specialist in Metaphor Therapy / Clean Language
- Clairsentient (clear feeling)
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Isolation and loneliness
When I was about 8 years old I was the only one not
to bow my head in assembly when we were told ‘let
us pray’. I felt embarrassed at being the odd
one out and yet I forced myself to go against the tide
do what I thought was right. At the time I just couldn’t
work out how the stories I had lapped up like everyone
else at Sunday School related to the other things I
was learning: Where were the dinosaurs in the garden
of Eden? If God is all powerful and all loving then
why is there suffering in the world? If we all ask God
to help us come first in the race why do most of us
still lose? I just couldn’t reconcile these things
in my head and yet, all around me, were people who seemed
quite happy to pray to and praise the Lord. They had
God, Jesus and each other to keep them company; I was
alone.
My feelings of loneliness were compounded by many others
over the years. Shame was the one I was best at. Growing
up there was a certain event that happened when I was
13 that I couldn’t even think about – let
alone talk about with my friends or parents. But I coped.
I used my intelligence to build a personality for myself.
I was right about most things and it was important for
me to prove that. I argued my corner passionately; others
would loose patience and call me arrogant. Inside I
was collapsing and the feelings of isolation were perpetuated.
Time Line Therapy for shame
My first experience of therapy came when I was 27 years
old. Things were really getting on top of me at work
and it was finally bad enough for me to ask for help.
I went to see an NLP therapist and he explained that
we were going to do ‘Time Line Therapy’
together. ‘Imagine that your whole life could
be represented as a line of experiences, one after another’,
he explained. ‘And that you can float up above
that line all the way back to the first time that you
ever experienced the emotion of shame.’ As he
said the words it was as if I was being dragged back
above my Time Line and down into the event at 13 that
I had tried to block out for so long. It was intense
and I started sobbing uncontrollably. ‘Float higher;
float way up above’ came the instructions from
my therapist and, with some difficulty, I did as I was
told and the feelings became more distant. ‘And
as you look down on the event you can learn whatever
you need to learn that will allow you to let go of the
shame easily and effortlessly’ he continued. I
don’t remember exactly what I learned at this
point but something seemed to be shifting deep inside.
The next instruction was to float back further, to a
point above and before the event had ever happened –
and then to turn around and look back to now. As I did
this and looked down on the memory of the event that
had dominated my life the strangest thing happened:
the shame that had been there disappeared. Completely
gone. Even when I went back into the memory and looked
through my own 13 year old eyes the feeling had evaporated
and all that was left was a feeling of calmness and
a new level of understanding. Somehow when I was up
there I had done something that affected the 13 year
old me down here. As I came back along my Time Line,
back to now, things seemed to continue to clear and
I was left with a profound sense of lightness and relief.
I reacted in a different way to situations. I was a
new person.
Connecting with my ‘Higher Self’
Much learning and therapy later it is me who is the
therapist helping others to discover themselves. In
the course of this study I have grappled with a number
of spiritual philosophies which talk of the existence
of a ‘Higher Self’. The Higher Self has
been described as a ‘guardian spirit’ which
is the source of insight and inspiration; a non-judgemental
all-forgiving and absolute love that does not make mistakes
and does not interfere with free will. This is an idea
I have had a lot of trouble connecting with. Perhaps
because it seemed like just a different name for the
God that I had rejected as irrational so many years
ago? Perhaps because my ego is still too arrogant to
accept the existence of something higher?
But as I reflect on my experience of Time Line Therapy
some new ideas are coming to me. The process was completed
in my imagination and yet had a permanent real world
effect. As I floated above the line and allowed learnings
to come to me I was, in some sense, accessing a wisdom
that I wasn’t able to when I was 13. It’s
as if that 13 year old was able to accept the help of
the me who was floating above the Time Line and was,
in turn, able to access the wisdom that originally he
could not. By accepting the help of this ‘Higher
Self’ the 13 year old was able to resolve and
let go of his feelings of shame in the moment and, in
a parallel universe (!), the events of the rest of his
life played out differently. Big ideas I know but this
is how it helps me: I can now conceive of my Higher
Self as an 'older and wiser me' who has come back in
time to help my 'younger self' out. I can be grateful
without being subservient. I can accept help without
being indebted. By accepting his help, I, in turn help
that higher me to resolve things in his reality. My
Higher Self can be here with me always and I can turn
to him and greet him with a humanHi!
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